VEGAS!

Life has been a little hectic to say the least.  I know that this is relative, but for us it has been crazy.  That is why we were so excited to go on an adult only Webb vacation to Vegas!  It was so nice to have something to look forward to and when it finally came, it was well worth the wait.



We drove down with mama and papa Webb on Sunday and I stayed awake for a record time.  I think I was conscious clear until Provo!  When we were about 15 minutes out of Vegas we were warned that traffic was horrible due to a motor cross event.  B whipped out his phone GPS and found a new route that would surpass this traffic.  We were all laughing as we drove past those "suckers" who were stuck in traffic only to be stopped dead in our tracks 5 minutes later.  Well, we could not stand for this so B again re routed us.  This new route took us through a national park that winded, bumped and had a very low speed limit that we almost obeyed. By the time we finally got into Vegas I think it was probably sixes.

We stayed for a week at the J.W. Marriott.  I'm pretty sure that this definition sums up the hotel  

 lux·u·ri·ous : extremely comfortable, elegant and enjoyable. 

We had stayed at a J.W. Marriott last spring break in Palm Springs (the one where Saved by the Bell was filmed, you know when Jessie's dad gets married. Season 3 Episode 18 &19) and this one was just as awesome!  

We would start our day in the gym that had a great waterfall view then we would all head to the spa.  The spa was same gender only so we had to say 'chow' to husbands in order to get our spa robes and slippers.  We would then go from the sauna to the ice pool to the water fall and most of our time was spent in the floating pool ("perfect temperature to just... float" H.Bird)  I loved this time to sit and talk with the girls.  You would not believe the hours that flew by as we would just chat effortlessly.  As soon as we were all relaxed, we would head out to the pool where we read, swam, ate, played hands up stands up and talked.  Once the sun went down we would head out to dinner then all gather in one room and stayed up way too late eating treats and playing games.  Our favorites were Buzz Word (a family favorite that always pits the genders against each other... yet we all love it) and Greed.  Throw in some bowling and a few movies and this is what we call an extremely comfortable, elegant and enjoyable vacation.

{The only picture we got with everyone! We were playing so much we forgot to take more!}

We had a great time bunking with the birds and always stayed up way too late chatting and watching movies.  We could not have been blessed with more gullible roomies and a special shout out to the front desk clerk who helped our prank along.  Favorite quote came from spunky Kam "Don't diss the FIVES".  She had it right because those two McMillans rocked it in Greed.  B & I loved staying an extra day with mama and papa Webb and could not be more grateful for such generous and fun to be with people, we would spend an extra day with those two anytime!   The only downside to this vacation was no AJ and D.  We sure missed that crazy couple but we are glad that everything was okay with their pregnancy.

The week was exactly what we needed and we are excited for the next vacation... vote for NAUVOO 2014!

Blessings

It's funny how much you notice when you look back.  Life is like driving 75 mph on a freeway and it is really hard to miss things unless you take a second glance in your rear view mirror.  As I look back on this rough 6 months we've had I can't believe all the blessings that prepared us for it and that helped us get through it.  Here are just a few: 

- My current job. The job I am working at now just came out of the blue.  The flexibility and the people I have worked with have helped so much!  Everyone was so understanding and compassionate.  The people I work with are really like a family and without them I couldn't have made it. 

-Great professors. I have had a full graduate course load during both miscarriages and all my teachers were so flexible with me and just wanted me to feel better.  I had one special teacher/friend who brought me dinner one night and was able to give me some great advice and empathy.  With out her I would have completely dropped out of all my classes.  She is an angel that I am so grateful I have been able to become friends with. 

-Talks in church.  At first I don't think I would have labeled these as blessings but looking back they sure helped.  Brady and I spoke for a youth conference about a week before the first incident and then I spoke in church a week before the second incident.  Because we were speaking, we were listening and reading relevant talks constantly, studying extra and trying to more attune to the spirit.  It's like we were being given a chance for some extra fortification before the storm hit.  

-Answer to prayers.  I remember coming from that doctors appointment the second time and just pleading with my Father to make the time go by fast.  I was in pain and I wanted it to pass quickly.  This past month has just FLOWN by.  It really has gone by extremely quickly and I can't really remember much of it. I know this is because He carried me quickly through it.  He helped me get out of bed every day, make it to work and school and helped it go by as painlessly as possible. 

There are so many more blessings that have helped us through these past months, namely a loving family and great friends, that these past 6 months seem more like a blessing than a trial.  I know that my Father has a plan for us and I am thankful for all the blessings we have been given.

Loss

It is 3 in the morning and I just can't sleep.  I have had a lot on my mind the past week or so and I guess there is too much in my brain for me to fall asleep.  So I am just going to purge everything that is in my brain onto this page.  I used to think that keeping it all in and putting on a smile was the way to deal with pain but I am going to try a different way this time.

"Some people think that to be strong is to never feel pain; In reality the strongest people are the ones who feel it, understand it and accept it."

... I guess you could call this my acceptance speech...

When B and I first got married we were really excited about starting a family.  (B was even more excited than me and would have been happy with a honeymoon baby) My mom and sisters are amazing mothers and make raising kids look so perfect!  So as soon as we felt it was right we began trying to have kids.

After a little under a year of trying we found out I was pregnant.  This was in late October of last year and we could not have been more excited.  We found out Saturday night and could not stop smiling the following day.  We took a long walk in the crisp fall air dreaming about our little family.  We talked about all the things we wanted to work on to bring a precious baby into our home.  It was the neatest weekend, but the next day the rain came.

I woke up early so I could get more done at work and went outside to get on my bike.  It had been raining pretty hard and the bike seat cover was drenched.  I put it on my handlebars and quickly took off.  About 3/4 the way there the seat cover caught in my tire and flung me 5 feet forward and I landed on my chin, wrists and stomach.  I got up quickly in shock just thinking about all the work I needed to do.  A sweet guy helped me up but then gasped when he saw my face.  I ignored his requests to let him to me to first aid station to clean up and quickly walked my bike the rest of the way to work. When I got into work the look on the receptionist face sent me to the bathroom.  Looking in the mirror I realized I would need B to come pick me up.  After he got me it took a little while to get me to a doctor (I really don't like hospitals or doctors but mostly the bills associated with hospitals and doctors).  He finally got me to the doctor and I received 16 stitches on my lip and chin and was pretty bloodied up on my wrists and arms.  The rest of the week I spent in recovery but all was okay, because I was finally pregnant.  Unfortunately, I couldn't take any pain meds because of the sweet baby growing in my tummy but I could sacrifice because this is what I had wanted for so long.

That Friday, as we got ready to go home to tell our parents I started cramping pretty badly.  It didn't take long to confirm that I was miscarrying.

It hurt.  It hurt worse then flying off my bike. But I had sweet family who helped me get through and could empathize because of their experiences.  Things that helped me get through was knowing that a lot of people miscarry the first time but then get pregnant really quick after.  B and I were able to increase the sincerity of our prayers and it reaffirmed just how much we did want a baby. It hurt but I was able to move on.

Just like everyone said, it didn't take long before we received exciting news again.  I found out on the Saturday before Christmas and surprised B on Christmas Eve.  We wanted to wait to spill the beans just in case something happened but by week 7 we couldn't wait any longer.  The family was so excited and B and I spent lots of nights dreaming of this little angel that would soon be with us. I started throwing up that week and could finally join the pregnant club with stories of throwing up in the snow on my way home from school and the super pregnant nose that ruined meals for me.  I was tired all the time but I was so happy it didn't matter.

At 9 weeks and 3 days we went in to the doctor for a nurse consult.  Her talking about everything made it all so real and I was grateful that B was with me to hear about all the fun coming up.  When I went to give a urine sample though, I had some bleeding.  Not as much as when I miscarried but enough to scare me.  I asked the nurse about it and she said we could do an ultra sound just to ease my mind.  The tech was so sweet and assured us that everything would be ok.  Then as the pictures came up she kindly let us know that the baby only measured 6 weeks and that there was no heart beat.  She then gave me tissues and I am so glad B was there because I don't remember a thing.

Now, after a futile pill that gave me unbelievable pain for 48 hours and a torture session where the doc tried to speed the process up I am finally having a D and C because my Uterus just won't abort this baby.

I feel I am the same way.  I really don't want to give this up.  I kept asking B if there was any chance the doc was wrong and couldn't help but wonder if there was something I could still do, or could have done or should have done... But you can't think like that.  Things happen for a reason.  Life works out. There is a plan.  I believe in these statements but at times like these it's hard to see past the present.

I think that this time hurts more because we had more time to dream.  We had more time to talk about it and paint these pictures that became so real to me.  I bought a small bottle of baby lotion and would close my eyes and breathe in the new baby scent and picture myself rocking my new baby boy who was wrapped in a blue and grey cozy blanket.  Or putting my sweet little girl over my shoulder as she dozed.  It's hard to put a stop to the dreams and realize that it's not quite time.  It's not His time.  My heart aches for those that have lost little ones that they were even closer to. My loss is very small compared to some.

Some things that I have learned during this time is that I love my husband more than life.  I have an incredible family that no matter where they are always support and pray for me.  That prayer isn't there to convince Him of what I need, it's to align my will with His.  That friends can surprise you with their love and support.

I know I will someday get to rock my babies in blue and grey blankets and someday get to put them over my shoulder as they doze, but it's not time yet.  Yet being the key word.  I am grateful for the extra time I will have to strengthen my relationship with B, with my family and with my loving Heavenly Father.

"If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest...times in life can be a blessing." -President Eyring

.Anniversary.

                              

Two years ago today, Brady and I were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple for all eternity!  Some people thought I was crazy for getting married so young (I had just barely turned 20) and thought that I was missing out on life.  I think they are wrong.  I am so grateful we got married when we did.

 These last two years would have been so blah without this handsome hunk of mine!  I love that we get to go to school together.  There isn't very much parking on campus so we either ride the bus, ride our bikes or have a good time walking hand in hand.  I love walking home with B after a long day and talking all about this and that.  I love our late night study parties in the library. I love that we both lay awake the night before the first day of a new semester.  I love that we can overdose on ice cream and movies when either of us bombs a test.  I love that we can motivate each other to make it past midterms.  I love going to school with B! 

Not only have we had such a fun time in school together but we have been in one of the best towns.  Logan was actually ranked the 3rd best college town in the nation and I can see why!  It has been so fun going to football and basketball games, using all the coupons we get for our date nights, being 2.5 minutes away from the temple and participating in all the fun events held on campus.  Logan has become our home.  

We had a fun anniversary date this past weekend. So fun... we forgot to take any pictures! We went to Sherwood Hills and played ping pong, air hockey, Foosball, basketball, Mancala and watched some fun shows! They also had an awesome pool with a waterfall and I was spoiled with a huge jetted tub in our room! Then we tried for 3.5 hours to get to the temple (having to run back home from Brigham for B's temple clothes and being turned away TWICE because it was so full) so we will have to go do our anniversary sealings tomorrow! 

Sherwood Hills

We have had a lot of fun times together and I am so lucky to have married such an incredible guy!  I remember the look he had on his face when I suggested living in my grandma's basement... yikes!  But he has been such a trooper and is able to make the best of every situation.  He is so good at remembering to do the little things like putting in a load of wash on a crazy day, leaving me a note on the bed or secretly buying me some cookies and cream ice cream!  He is always reminding me how much he loves me and making me feel like a princess.  I love finding out more about him and continually realizing how perfect he is! I love this man of mine and I am SO happy I get him for infinity-2 more years! Happy Anniversary Babe! 

                                 

.Comfort.

This last month has been a bit challenging.  It included a bike wreck and some devastating disappointments all while trying to manage school and work.  There was one night that I was ready to drop everything.  During all of this, I never had any big magical experiences that made everything better or easier but I have had little moments of comfort that have helped me get through it.  Being at church and hearing talks that were for me, family scripture study and prayer, a compassionate professor extending a deadline and family who completely understood what I was going through.

Brady and Milly cat

B and I at the rainy Anderson reunion

We were also able to have some really fun times during this month.  We had a great Thanksgiving at Brady's house with his parents and siblings and then took off to St. George with Jami and Sam!  Some of my favorite things about the trip were having tons of time to read some books, late night walks and talks with my sister, cuddling and playing with Addi, watching all three Lord of the Rings and playing lots of games.  I sure love my sister and was so appreciative that they dropped everything to help me in my healing process.  I am grateful for comfort.

As much beard as B could stand for no shave November

.Unbelievably Busy.

HAPPY OCTOBER

    Wait.. what?!? Woah! Can time slow down please? I cannot believe it is already October! Last I remember I was accepting a job offer with the University and deciding that I was going to do my Masters.

     Life really has been a whirlwind. With B filling out secondary applications then going around the nation for interviews and me working over 40 hours a week and trying to stay up to date with school... we have had little time together.  Days where I leave home at 4:00 AM to make it to a school in Alpine, spend a couple days out there and come home just in time to see Brady running out the door to make it to the airport to fly away to an interview, are NOT uncommon lately.  These past couple months have stretched and exhausted us but it has made us appreciate the time we do have together so much more!

I really have loved my schooling, I have learned more in my couple months of grad school than I have in my entire undergrad.  But I have probably worked harder in these past couple months than I have in my ENTIRE life!  I may be a little unmotivated as well and when I have less time to do more work, that doesn't help me either. I absolutely love my job though! It is so rewarding talking to the high school students and helping them make the BEST decision of their life (to become an AGGIE). I always tell people if I was doing one or the other I would enjoy it so much more... but the combination of both is a bit taxing (get it... acct joke!)

Even though life is so busy we have had time to enjoy ourselves... here are a few things that we have had fun doing.

.Brady's 1/2 Birthday.

.silly string fight for my B-DAY.

.Milly on the throne Brady made her.

.USU vs Utah... best game
EVER!.

... the clip of me and B on ESPN!! We come in around 1:55 and it was the best 56 seconds of my life!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=o3WWS320akQ

.Boating.

 Boating is my favorite thing to do in the summer.My dad's boat was given to him from his dad and has made it through a lot. Every summer we cross our fingers that the engine will start up a again, and it hasn't failed us yet. I remember as a little girl closing my eyes as Dad zoomed across the lake, feeling the water droplets on my sun baked skin and knowing that this is what heaven would feel like.


 When I met B and found out he loved the lake just as much as I did, I knew it was meant to be :) I love watching B ski and wake board almost as much as I love being out there myself, he is SO good! We went out for an early run on Saturday for the first time ALL year!
                                                                  !It was INCREDIBLE!
 I was a little nervous I wouldn't be able to get up on one ski but I did it on my FIRST TRY! (no one needs  to know it was the easy up ski) Can't wait to get out a couple more times before the summer is over! 

-Sweet Board Grab by B-Man-