Ready or not

We are starting a new adventure!  B is going to start working toward his life long dream of being a doctor. (I guess not his whole life.. he wanted to be a pig for a little while) We are heartbroken to be leaving family and Utah but we are so excited to live in a new place and meet some new friends. 

{We are so grateful for everyone that helped us pack up and move out.
This is the only picture we got, but these boys were pretty proud of their
packing job. I was pretty impressed myself.}

 So Missouri, ready or not, here we come! 

True Blooded AGGIE from Utah

I was raised in x-large USU sweatshirts.  I grew up knowing there was no better dessert than Aggie ice cream.  I was taught that you cheer for Utah States football team no matter how many times they break your heart.  I am a true blooded Aggie.

I always wanted to go to Utah State for college and now that my time here is up, I am in shock.  How did these past 4 years go by so fast?  I know I can't write all the reasons why I love USU in one post, so below are my top 5.

The nature. I probably ate way too many s'mores at bonfires in the canyons, but they were my favorite.  B and I would pack up any given night and find a secluded spot in the canyon and just spend the night outdoors.

One of my favorite memories comes from floating down the canal  with the Rileys.  B thought he was so smart and tried to use a pointy stick to navigate the canal. Pointy sticks and $5 inner tubes from Wal-Mart are not a good match.  It may not be B's favorite memory but I could not stop laughing the entire way down.  I loved hiking the wind caves and training for my first marathon on the all the different trails.

The athletics.  Freshmen year we had a poster with all the Aggie basketball players mounted on the wall.  We loved shouting their names and screaming our lungs out at the games.  Even though it took me days to thaw out, it was so worth it to camp out all night so we could get great seats for the game against BYU.  Nothing warms you up at a football game like swinging your arms wildly during the Scotsman.  I think B and my feelings about USU athletics was professionally portrayed during our 15 seconds of fame on ESPN.

{favorite pictures of recruitment ambassadors ever}

The traditions.  It was so neat to do the same things at USU that my siblings and my parents did.  I love that faculty works hard to keep traditions and that students are allowed to make new traditions.  I love that B and I are true Aggies.  Living with my grandma helped us feel the rich culture as well.  I love the tradition of USU.  

The opportunities.  When going to college I did not want to become anonymous.  I wanted to make a difference and have my voice be heard.  At USU I was able to serve on multiple committees, recruit high school students, know my professors on a first name basis and even go to South America.  USU is the perfect size to give you a big school education with the small school opportunities.  

The people.  I love that I can relate with every Aggie.  My roommates from every year were all incredible and I learned so much from them.  My friends from classes were incredible and are now some of my best friends.  The teachers cared about me, not only my grades but the kind of person I became.  Working in the admissions office gave me a chance to see into the heart of USU.  It is people like that who make USU what it is.  Their commitment, diligence and selflessness can be felt around campus.  The people I met at USU have changed my life.

Even though we are moving across the country, my heart will remain with those Aggies. Hopefully, we can spread the good word out here in MO. 

Once an Aggie, always an Aggie.

Memoirs for Milly

About a year ago, B and I were having a peaceful evening and a very unwanted intruder invaded our home.  We found A RAT.  To say that we found a rat is a little misleading because we never actually found it... much to my dismay.  But we did see it run from place to place.  Then someone started screaming and jumping on furniture, it's all a little hazy and I can't quite remember who that was.  It was at this moment that my animal-loving, pet-wanting husband configured a plan to get him a new friend.  I never wanted to see a rat in the house again and it was decided we needed a cat.  Before I could rethink this idea B had found a us a free kitty.


Milly Gina Webb was adopted into our family on a Friday.  We named her after my mom who was her biggest fan.  My mom was constantly texting and calling us just begging us to bring her home so she could play with the little fur ball... okay that may be bit of an exaggeration.

Milly was teeny tiny and a great distraction from school
and work.  Since neither of us had grown up with many pets we were not bound by the typical stereo types.  As a kitten, Milly enjoyed going to the park and going on walks.  As she got older going to the park switched from her chasing us to us trying to find her in the bushes.  Her walks no longer consisted of her walking behind or in front of us but by her laying down and being pulled by two very motivating owners.  We realized very soon that those stereo types are actually true animal instinct... who knew?

We had a good year with our Milly but with our move coming up it was time to find her a new home.  We will miss you Milly Gina but we will forever cherish the time we spent with you.

VEGAS!

Life has been a little hectic to say the least.  I know that this is relative, but for us it has been crazy.  That is why we were so excited to go on an adult only Webb vacation to Vegas!  It was so nice to have something to look forward to and when it finally came, it was well worth the wait.



We drove down with mama and papa Webb on Sunday and I stayed awake for a record time.  I think I was conscious clear until Provo!  When we were about 15 minutes out of Vegas we were warned that traffic was horrible due to a motor cross event.  B whipped out his phone GPS and found a new route that would surpass this traffic.  We were all laughing as we drove past those "suckers" who were stuck in traffic only to be stopped dead in our tracks 5 minutes later.  Well, we could not stand for this so B again re routed us.  This new route took us through a national park that winded, bumped and had a very low speed limit that we almost obeyed. By the time we finally got into Vegas I think it was probably sixes.

We stayed for a week at the J.W. Marriott.  I'm pretty sure that this definition sums up the hotel  

 lux·u·ri·ous : extremely comfortable, elegant and enjoyable. 

We had stayed at a J.W. Marriott last spring break in Palm Springs (the one where Saved by the Bell was filmed, you know when Jessie's dad gets married. Season 3 Episode 18 &19) and this one was just as awesome!  

We would start our day in the gym that had a great waterfall view then we would all head to the spa.  The spa was same gender only so we had to say 'chow' to husbands in order to get our spa robes and slippers.  We would then go from the sauna to the ice pool to the water fall and most of our time was spent in the floating pool ("perfect temperature to just... float" H.Bird)  I loved this time to sit and talk with the girls.  You would not believe the hours that flew by as we would just chat effortlessly.  As soon as we were all relaxed, we would head out to the pool where we read, swam, ate, played hands up stands up and talked.  Once the sun went down we would head out to dinner then all gather in one room and stayed up way too late eating treats and playing games.  Our favorites were Buzz Word (a family favorite that always pits the genders against each other... yet we all love it) and Greed.  Throw in some bowling and a few movies and this is what we call an extremely comfortable, elegant and enjoyable vacation.

{The only picture we got with everyone! We were playing so much we forgot to take more!}

We had a great time bunking with the birds and always stayed up way too late chatting and watching movies.  We could not have been blessed with more gullible roomies and a special shout out to the front desk clerk who helped our prank along.  Favorite quote came from spunky Kam "Don't diss the FIVES".  She had it right because those two McMillans rocked it in Greed.  B & I loved staying an extra day with mama and papa Webb and could not be more grateful for such generous and fun to be with people, we would spend an extra day with those two anytime!   The only downside to this vacation was no AJ and D.  We sure missed that crazy couple but we are glad that everything was okay with their pregnancy.

The week was exactly what we needed and we are excited for the next vacation... vote for NAUVOO 2014!

Blessings

It's funny how much you notice when you look back.  Life is like driving 75 mph on a freeway and it is really hard to miss things unless you take a second glance in your rear view mirror.  As I look back on this rough 6 months we've had I can't believe all the blessings that prepared us for it and that helped us get through it.  Here are just a few: 

- My current job. The job I am working at now just came out of the blue.  The flexibility and the people I have worked with have helped so much!  Everyone was so understanding and compassionate.  The people I work with are really like a family and without them I couldn't have made it. 

-Great professors. I have had a full graduate course load during both miscarriages and all my teachers were so flexible with me and just wanted me to feel better.  I had one special teacher/friend who brought me dinner one night and was able to give me some great advice and empathy.  With out her I would have completely dropped out of all my classes.  She is an angel that I am so grateful I have been able to become friends with. 

-Talks in church.  At first I don't think I would have labeled these as blessings but looking back they sure helped.  Brady and I spoke for a youth conference about a week before the first incident and then I spoke in church a week before the second incident.  Because we were speaking, we were listening and reading relevant talks constantly, studying extra and trying to more attune to the spirit.  It's like we were being given a chance for some extra fortification before the storm hit.  

-Answer to prayers.  I remember coming from that doctors appointment the second time and just pleading with my Father to make the time go by fast.  I was in pain and I wanted it to pass quickly.  This past month has just FLOWN by.  It really has gone by extremely quickly and I can't really remember much of it. I know this is because He carried me quickly through it.  He helped me get out of bed every day, make it to work and school and helped it go by as painlessly as possible. 

There are so many more blessings that have helped us through these past months, namely a loving family and great friends, that these past 6 months seem more like a blessing than a trial.  I know that my Father has a plan for us and I am thankful for all the blessings we have been given.

Loss

It is 3 in the morning and I just can't sleep.  I have had a lot on my mind the past week or so and I guess there is too much in my brain for me to fall asleep.  So I am just going to purge everything that is in my brain onto this page.  I used to think that keeping it all in and putting on a smile was the way to deal with pain but I am going to try a different way this time.

"Some people think that to be strong is to never feel pain; In reality the strongest people are the ones who feel it, understand it and accept it."

... I guess you could call this my acceptance speech...

When B and I first got married we were really excited about starting a family.  (B was even more excited than me and would have been happy with a honeymoon baby) My mom and sisters are amazing mothers and make raising kids look so perfect!  So as soon as we felt it was right we began trying to have kids.

After a little under a year of trying we found out I was pregnant.  This was in late October of last year and we could not have been more excited.  We found out Saturday night and could not stop smiling the following day.  We took a long walk in the crisp fall air dreaming about our little family.  We talked about all the things we wanted to work on to bring a precious baby into our home.  It was the neatest weekend, but the next day the rain came.

I woke up early so I could get more done at work and went outside to get on my bike.  It had been raining pretty hard and the bike seat cover was drenched.  I put it on my handlebars and quickly took off.  About 3/4 the way there the seat cover caught in my tire and flung me 5 feet forward and I landed on my chin, wrists and stomach.  I got up quickly in shock just thinking about all the work I needed to do.  A sweet guy helped me up but then gasped when he saw my face.  I ignored his requests to let him to me to first aid station to clean up and quickly walked my bike the rest of the way to work. When I got into work the look on the receptionist face sent me to the bathroom.  Looking in the mirror I realized I would need B to come pick me up.  After he got me it took a little while to get me to a doctor (I really don't like hospitals or doctors but mostly the bills associated with hospitals and doctors).  He finally got me to the doctor and I received 16 stitches on my lip and chin and was pretty bloodied up on my wrists and arms.  The rest of the week I spent in recovery but all was okay, because I was finally pregnant.  Unfortunately, I couldn't take any pain meds because of the sweet baby growing in my tummy but I could sacrifice because this is what I had wanted for so long.

That Friday, as we got ready to go home to tell our parents I started cramping pretty badly.  It didn't take long to confirm that I was miscarrying.

It hurt.  It hurt worse then flying off my bike. But I had sweet family who helped me get through and could empathize because of their experiences.  Things that helped me get through was knowing that a lot of people miscarry the first time but then get pregnant really quick after.  B and I were able to increase the sincerity of our prayers and it reaffirmed just how much we did want a baby. It hurt but I was able to move on.

Just like everyone said, it didn't take long before we received exciting news again.  I found out on the Saturday before Christmas and surprised B on Christmas Eve.  We wanted to wait to spill the beans just in case something happened but by week 7 we couldn't wait any longer.  The family was so excited and B and I spent lots of nights dreaming of this little angel that would soon be with us. I started throwing up that week and could finally join the pregnant club with stories of throwing up in the snow on my way home from school and the super pregnant nose that ruined meals for me.  I was tired all the time but I was so happy it didn't matter.

At 9 weeks and 3 days we went in to the doctor for a nurse consult.  Her talking about everything made it all so real and I was grateful that B was with me to hear about all the fun coming up.  When I went to give a urine sample though, I had some bleeding.  Not as much as when I miscarried but enough to scare me.  I asked the nurse about it and she said we could do an ultra sound just to ease my mind.  The tech was so sweet and assured us that everything would be ok.  Then as the pictures came up she kindly let us know that the baby only measured 6 weeks and that there was no heart beat.  She then gave me tissues and I am so glad B was there because I don't remember a thing.

Now, after a futile pill that gave me unbelievable pain for 48 hours and a torture session where the doc tried to speed the process up I am finally having a D and C because my Uterus just won't abort this baby.

I feel I am the same way.  I really don't want to give this up.  I kept asking B if there was any chance the doc was wrong and couldn't help but wonder if there was something I could still do, or could have done or should have done... But you can't think like that.  Things happen for a reason.  Life works out. There is a plan.  I believe in these statements but at times like these it's hard to see past the present.

I think that this time hurts more because we had more time to dream.  We had more time to talk about it and paint these pictures that became so real to me.  I bought a small bottle of baby lotion and would close my eyes and breathe in the new baby scent and picture myself rocking my new baby boy who was wrapped in a blue and grey cozy blanket.  Or putting my sweet little girl over my shoulder as she dozed.  It's hard to put a stop to the dreams and realize that it's not quite time.  It's not His time.  My heart aches for those that have lost little ones that they were even closer to. My loss is very small compared to some.

Some things that I have learned during this time is that I love my husband more than life.  I have an incredible family that no matter where they are always support and pray for me.  That prayer isn't there to convince Him of what I need, it's to align my will with His.  That friends can surprise you with their love and support.

I know I will someday get to rock my babies in blue and grey blankets and someday get to put them over my shoulder as they doze, but it's not time yet.  Yet being the key word.  I am grateful for the extra time I will have to strengthen my relationship with B, with my family and with my loving Heavenly Father.

"If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest...times in life can be a blessing." -President Eyring

.Anniversary.

                              

Two years ago today, Brady and I were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple for all eternity!  Some people thought I was crazy for getting married so young (I had just barely turned 20) and thought that I was missing out on life.  I think they are wrong.  I am so grateful we got married when we did.

 These last two years would have been so blah without this handsome hunk of mine!  I love that we get to go to school together.  There isn't very much parking on campus so we either ride the bus, ride our bikes or have a good time walking hand in hand.  I love walking home with B after a long day and talking all about this and that.  I love our late night study parties in the library. I love that we both lay awake the night before the first day of a new semester.  I love that we can overdose on ice cream and movies when either of us bombs a test.  I love that we can motivate each other to make it past midterms.  I love going to school with B! 

Not only have we had such a fun time in school together but we have been in one of the best towns.  Logan was actually ranked the 3rd best college town in the nation and I can see why!  It has been so fun going to football and basketball games, using all the coupons we get for our date nights, being 2.5 minutes away from the temple and participating in all the fun events held on campus.  Logan has become our home.  

We had a fun anniversary date this past weekend. So fun... we forgot to take any pictures! We went to Sherwood Hills and played ping pong, air hockey, Foosball, basketball, Mancala and watched some fun shows! They also had an awesome pool with a waterfall and I was spoiled with a huge jetted tub in our room! Then we tried for 3.5 hours to get to the temple (having to run back home from Brigham for B's temple clothes and being turned away TWICE because it was so full) so we will have to go do our anniversary sealings tomorrow! 

Sherwood Hills

We have had a lot of fun times together and I am so lucky to have married such an incredible guy!  I remember the look he had on his face when I suggested living in my grandma's basement... yikes!  But he has been such a trooper and is able to make the best of every situation.  He is so good at remembering to do the little things like putting in a load of wash on a crazy day, leaving me a note on the bed or secretly buying me some cookies and cream ice cream!  He is always reminding me how much he loves me and making me feel like a princess.  I love finding out more about him and continually realizing how perfect he is! I love this man of mine and I am SO happy I get him for infinity-2 more years! Happy Anniversary Babe!